self loathing. number 1

so today I went to JC Penneys to go find a dress for state conference and I found the dresses I was most interested in. I grabbed my usual size, a Medium. The self loathing began soon after. I realized...I couldn't fit them. I was in the dressing room by myself, and my mom was waiting anxiously to see. I whispered to my mom, "I need you so get me a size larger." As my mom said okay and took the other dresses, I began to silently weap to myself. I've never considered myself as fat, I may play around, but I always thought I was normal, but as I looked at myself in the mirror....i know i've gained weight, alot of weight.

alot of my friends have been saying I was prettier and thinner in nineth and tenth grade. i know. i always thought i could get away with eating those chips or drinking that soda. but i've realized...i can't. if i don't stop i'm going to be over weight like the rest of my family. I mean...its sad that you're older brother weighs about the same as you, and he has diabetes. i'm not creating this blog to gain self pity, hell no i don't want it. i'm creating this as my own inspiration. I want to change and this is where I begin. I am going begin logging what i eat, how much i exercise and eventually how much i weigh. So let us begin.

Food Log:
Breakfast: sausage biscuit with jelly and milk.
Lunch: nothing
Snack: two bowls of butter pecan ice cream and a cup of milk (oh lord -_-)
Dinner: half a turkey sandwich with mayo, spicy brown mustard, and swiss cheese. and half a bowl of chicken noodle soup(one meal) with Tazo Organic Iced Green Tea.

Workout (yes i worked out):
Reverse Fly (x15)
Standing Kick (x20 per leg)
Chest Fly and Extension (x20)
Ab Twist (x12)
20 Mins of cardio

Current Stats:
Weight: 145 lbs
Top Size: Large
Pants: 9

Plan for tomorrow:
Breakfast-cereal
Lunch- Salad
Snack- Fruit
Dinner- whatever my mom makes
Workout- Yoga or the same as before, may run a mile+

Lets see how this works. HWAITING! 화이팅