i can't be there with you, but i can dream.

so i feel like i'm giving up alot for my family. my life, my health. of course i don't mind. they've given up alot more for me, but sometimes i wonder if its all worth it. if i get a job, i want the money to go to me...for my senior dues. so they won't have to be forced on my mom, but i know she's going to ask me for money for bills, and food. so we will be right back to where we are now. which is no where. i don't even know if i'm going to get a job. i've tried for months and months, but no such luck. you wonder if i have my events done...well ask my mother since we've only been going to find a job for the past month so we can actually live without worry. i'm starting to feel hopeless again,especially with these chest pains. it really hurts to breathe. i inhale...i exhale. i feel so much pain. pain. so much pain.